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Reword this sentence?


How can i reword this sentence to make it sound better:

Decisions made, especially by teenagers, can have many negative repercussions, including a loss of innocence.

Any suggestions would be helpful. And, I’m also not sure if I’m making any major grammatical errors with it, so fixing it could help also. Thanks!

It’s obvious that you’ve thought over this sentence. You’ve done well with the vocabulary. (I don’t think I’ve seen &quot:repercussions&quot: in a long time, but it was used properly. ) As far as rewording it, consider:

Decisions, especially those made by teenagers, can have many negitive repercussions, including a loss of innocence.

It’s not very different from your original statement, but it eliminates the akwardness from your first non-essential clause. With the clause removed, your original statement read:

&quot:Decisions made can have many negitive repercussions, including a loss of innocence.&quot:

The &quot:made&quot: just didn’t flow well.

The loss of innocence is one of many negative repercussions resulting from a bad decision made by a teenager.

The decisions that teenagers make can have many negative repercussions, such as a loss of innocence.

Teenagers make a lot of decisions that can have negative repercussions, such as a loss of innocence.

A loss of innocence: Decisions being made by american youths without parental guidence has made for alot of negative repercssions in todays teenagers

Looks just fine to me. Just a general hint. There are some very knowledgeable people on Y/A. They will be happy to offer advice – especially to someone with a nice profile like yours. But remember that what you say should end up sounding as if it were YOU that said it, and not some grey-haired old professor.

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